At the time of birth, the mid wife or doctor will declare “It’s a boy!” or “It’s a girl”. From that moment on certain expectations are set for the child: if the child is a boy the child is expected to wear and prefer blue; if the child is a girl the child is expected to wear and prefer pink. If the child dares to prefer the opposite to the societies norm the child sparks an alarm and the parents or care givers start taking measures to avert what might be a catastrophic outcome, resulting in the child going against the established social norms or even what is considered to be natural. One simply has to study across section of animals’ behaviors and one would notice a percentage of animals in many species deviate from the norm. Since the biologists have classified humans as part of the animal kingdom and not the plant kingdom, one is left to wonder if some allowance should not be made for deviation in behaviors in the human species?

From around age 7 the child’s behavior is closely monitored; his or her preferences are monitored; this includes but not limited to, his or her preference in toys. If the child is a boy, the child is expected to choose a truck; if the child is a girl, she is expected to choose a doll; if the child chooses the opposite to what is expected this is cause for an alarm; the child may even be given certain labels like “sissy boy” or “tomgirl”. The question then arises” which part of the child’s expected behavior is automatic and which part is consciously controlled? Therapies 101 provides the setting for analysis and clarification of one’s thoughts.

From the time the child is quite young, especially when the child is born into certain socio-economic groups, parents start to fantasize as to what quality of in-law is desirable for their children. They often play match maker and suggest to their child or children which boy or girl is suitable. If the boy agrees with the girl chosen, there is harmony; if the boy rejects the girl while showing preference for a boy’s company, the parent or parents start to take proactive measures to steer the child in the “correct and desirable norm”. If the child resists the parent’s suggestions the child may be labelled as non- co-operative or unruly or simply queer. In time, the child or children may start to react to these labels; they may embrace the labels and become what they are called, or they my deny and create a cover-up personality which is not their comfortable self; this in turn leads to long term unhappiness in the later adult social relationships. At this point there is need for intervention and conflict resolution: internal and external; resolution with one’s true preferences and that of the parents’ preference.

There are guys who choose the role of “mommy” when they are role playing; some girls prefer to dress as boys; they prefer to climb trees or even fight like boys. Some guys confess to knowing that as young as age six or ten they knew that they were attracted to boys. Girls might make up their minds as early as age 14 that they have no interest in boys. At this point one must ask whose decision it is to choose one’s sexual preference: the child’s or the parent? Is sexual preference an automatic subconscious decision or is it a conscious decision. Therapy 101 allows for this debate and expansion of self-awareness: what can and should be changed, versus what is automatic and should be embraced as natural.

Can one choose which sexual orientation to prefer? The answer may be up to a certain point. On the other hand, there are some automatic reactions that are beyond the conscious mind’s control and by extension the society’s control. In cases where the parent or society as a whole attempt to alter the individual’s choice, through counselling or even shock therapy, to create the desired outcome, this approach goes against the automatic will and may lead to equally unwanted reactions on the part of the individual being altered against his automatic will.

What happens when you are a male and you are in a crowded bus and your butt touches a female’s butt and you get an erection? Can you tell the erection to go away? Will it follow conscious will and go away? If on the other hand you are a male and your butt touches another male’s butt, in a crowded bus, and you get an erection or the butt of another male touches your crotch and you develop an erection how can this reaction be explained? Can you will the erection to go away? The answer is yes; but will the erection respond to your conscious suggestion?

At this juncture we are confronted with which aspects of sexual orientation are automatic and non-controllable by the conscious mind and which aspects are conscious and controllable by the conscious mind. At Therapy 101 we get the opportunity to analyze as well as explore, which aspects of sexual orientation are conscious, and by extension controllable, versus which aspects of sexual orientation are subconscious and automatic and by extension are beyond the control of the conscious mind. Therapy 101 provides the opportunity to explore various technique that might prove useful for observing and by extension understanding and coming to grips with one’s own sexual orientation. One learns how the conscious mind may appeal to the subconscious mind for certain changes and where necessary for acceptance of what is automatic and by extension natural. We explore skills to bring resolution to internal conflicts where necessary; here is where increasing techniques in self-awareness, become necessary and useful.